History, with commentary from Rediff

I wake up everyday, lethargic and lacking in vim and verve. I grab my morning tea, but that shot of caffeine does not do enough to jolt me into my normally hyperactive self. Then I open Firefox and start typing “re” in the awesome bar. It gives me two choices – reddit and rediff. The decision making algorithm in my left hemisphere ponders at this critical juncture of my day to day existence. I could either

• reaffirm my rational faith in the pristine faithlessness of reddit, while also snickering at the occasional LOLcat and breezing through elaborate expressions of eloquent Microsoft-hate
• read commentary generated by the wisdom of the Indian crowd, the collective intelligence of co-creative India 2.0, the smart mob of the temple, mosque and cathedral located in the middle of the bazaar

I always pick rediff. Reddit can wait. The unread 4 million items on my Google reader can wait. The Sky-is-about-to-transfer-a-large-amount-0f-momentum-to-the-top-of-my-head crisis email from work can wait. Global warming can wait. The tsunami about to engulf Besant Nagar can wait. Time can wait. After all, what is the only thing that can set off microscopic alarm clocks that play “Cowboys from Hell” by Pantera to shock every cell in my body into high-energy wakefulness every day morning? This can.

Now, after reading that, my brain shakes off the last vestiges of its immense desire to grab a few more minutes of sleep and moves into “Give me some more of this” mode. It extends its metaphorical arm, exposing its veins for another hit of Cannabis Rediffcommentia. My eyes oblige and scroll down from the Multi-destination Country Hygeine plan described above to its first response in classic Rediff grey-and-green.

At this point, my brain, having had enough already, shifts gears into Indian-Political-Armchair-Theorizing mode. I note the user name “lenin” and theorize that this is a plot by atheist communists to sow seeds of discord between Hindus and Muslims. So I do what any self-respecting Indian would do. Join in the conversation and contribute my subtle improvements to this clean-up theory.

Now my day has well and truly begun. I close the rediff window. After all, too much a good thing is..well, not a good thing. But I cannot help but pity the rest of the world and their lack of alarm clocks that can send this kind of jolt of vim and rigour every day morning. Should there not be Rediff commentary for all news, no wait, f0r all of history, spanning across space, time and those other string-theory dimensions? Should there not be History, With Rediff Commentary, enhanced, multi-perspectized, hyper connected, yet visceral and in (and out from the back of) your face?

So what if Obama got elected in a historical election?

So what if Julius Caesar was stabbed to death?

Or if Michael Phelps failed a dope test?

Or perhaps, when Star Trek style transporting technology is invented

The Rediff comment is the true byline to history. Not Youtube, which is simply inane, or Slashdot, which is simply too informative, or Reddit, which is simply snarky. A rediff comment is a snarky expression of pseudo-informative inanity, and in that delectable cocktail I believe we have the first truly pan-dimensional Indian internet meme. It’s called – What would a rediff commentator say to this?

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